The psychological aspect of Divorce

To continue off the discussion on Bill C-422 and why it is needed we would have to look at the Psychologial aspect of divorce and what brings one human being to use a child and alientate them against another. Some say it is about control others claim it is becasue of mental illness. I always look at peer reviewed materials and alot of case studies. I also always try to look from my own past experience for conclusions as myself have seen the first hands of Parental Alientation. The main thing with C-422 is to eliminate and remove the ability for one parent to use the system to harm a child's relationship with the Non-Custodial parent.

To understand what people go through is to understand seperation and divorce and the people that go through the system and the system itself. The people have decided that they as a couple will move on some have prior to the relationship ending others the reciever of the ending relationship. The person that ends the relationship will do this for mutiple reasons as you can pick up any oprah book of the week and see why this happens. The thing that seems never to get discussed is the mental states of people once this happens and what they do prior too,during and then immediately after dependant on their own mental states. The mental states of someone with a prior mental condition or during that is driven to a mentally unstable condition will do somethings that others with rational thoughts will find extreme or ludcrist at times. One thing that seems to be the common factor is the ones that go to the extreme have underlying control issues. They will call everyone or anything around them as contrls on them. The thing is usually they are the controller because of their childhood or events that happened within the enviroment they grew up in.

The enviroment I believe is one of the greatest contributers to what does happen as we become parents. The people that have been effected with violence in any form or abuse will be the greatest offenders of parental alienation. I have studied including my own a cicero style of approach to this. This approach is to look back to see what is the route cause not just the end effect and label it. The person if female and is the offender of Parental Alientation in 96% of the cases I have looked at through longitudal studies and real time overt and covert observation seem to see the same pattern. The high end being sexually exploited or abused in their youth. They also seem to have a mother that also follows the same pattern. In the case I put alot of study into showed some interesting yet disturbing facts. The offender was molested by the mothers father and the mother and her female siblings also molested by the father. In most cases where I have seen this prevelent also violence at a young age male or female has been very evident. So looking at the DSV-IV or V shows alot of mental illness is more of a chemical imbalance more than a enviromental and sociogial cause. In medicine though they have proven under extreme stress it can do some nasty things to a persons physcial chemistry. So if we take an abused individual which is during these incidents put under extreme stress and almost soul taking experiences creates an imbalance within the brain chemistry. The thing is once these chemicals are outside the norms can chemicals interventions return that persons thought pattern back to a logical norm. Yes we do have to blame the meida's of the world because they do potray the person as doing the right thing but that is for a different discussion. So this is not only a sociological but a pattern started alomst within the family geniology. So we watch the grandmother how she was and reacted to situtations and then watch the mother to the child. The one I followed closely the grandmother married young and divorced almost 20 years ago. She used everything from false allegations to direct Parental alientation towards the father. She an emotional and sexually abused person and then to see her own child emotionally and sexually abused by her own father will and has been shown in alot of the cases of sexual abuse see that they will put that on to the whole gender not just the perpetrator. So then it becomes a genrational issue or almost cyclical.

The cycle is then brought down to the next generation to the third generation. They are taught that their biological parent because of issues of seperation are now for them to deal with in todays reality. The mental illness of the previous generations are not brought by a chemical imbalance but a teaching of psychologial and socilogical deviance. The thing now and bringing the discussion back to Bill C-422 is how do we as a society break the cycle of this. How can there be a pitfall put in place that will protect the children from falling down this rabbit hole that abuse was in their genology but not a causation of the other parent. The emotionally and mentally disturbed parent that will use this form of abuse will not see it as abuse but more of their own protection mechanism of their offspring. The reality it is what they are teaching the child. One of the key factors is abuse of authority which I have discussed in previous blog writings. The custodial parent believes they are above the law and will teach the child that the justice that made a legal decision is not the law that the custodial parent is the law. Parental Alientation once a custody order is put in place is a form of contempt of court. Contempting of a court order is illegal and as probally most have seen in the movies a justice state I will hold you in contempt of court. So if someone and most do not see one justice any differently than another. So do most know the difference between a family court justice and a crimal court justice. Once people look at the amount of studies done on youth offences in the judical system see that most came from broken homes. Are you starting to see the pattern? So a custodial parents shows the child the law is not above them they are starting the psychological and socilogical training of the child that the law is not above them that they control the laws around them. Training them not only to be a controling personality type but laws are to be broken if they see without rationalization that doing this has concenquence as the custodial parent is not held in contempt of court.

So as you are starting to put the pieces together of what creates and causes the perpetrator of Alientation and Abuse and why these nessesary changes need to occur are you seeing the root causes? I will use an analogy so it fits the picture of the reason why this needs to happen. In 1974 in Canada there were no speed laws. So unless a police officer in his own discression though you were going to injure someone else would not pull you over and say you were speeding. Many studies show previous to that excessive speed leads to car crashes. So we brought forward laws to be enforced that speed limits within norms would be introduced for the protection of the Citizens of Canada. So now after years of studies and seeing the global effects which there are so many other societal cost to the way the industry is set up. So when are the politcal realm going to put a speed limit on the people that abuse children?

Bill C-422 and why its nessesary

I only write from time to time when I have a chance but this morning had a little downtime. Today Bill C-422 has started to come full circle and starting to get noticed accross the country. For those who do not know what this bill is about brings some concern but once understanding it will deem it nessesary. The bill is for a new concept of recent years called equal parenting. Equal parenting is when the custodial( parent that holds custody) and the non-custodial parent(usually made a vistor) shares in all aspects of raising their biological child. Today there are many varations of custody orders put into place by our current sitting family court judges. They are Sole Custody(one person has all say and the other parent has been near to completely removed from their childs life) and Joint Custody(which is another form of sole custody). In both of these styles of custody one person hold the controls and the non custodial parent has nothing to do besides agree even if it is not in the" Best interests of the child". In both of these arrangements the secondary parent is permitted by a family court judge an alloted time to see their biological parent. The thing is an as we get futher into the discussion why the need for Equal Parenting is needed.

Equal Parenting or otherwise refered to Equal Shared Parenting has been around for awhile but not until Australia introduced legislation did it start to get worldwide notice. Research has shown time and time again well adjusted children of divorce come from well adjusted parents. The current system works to create dysfunctionability within the child and the parent. Equal Parenting is when the parents assume the same parental roles they did previously prior to seperation or Divorce. They would spend equal time with their child and would have an equal say in how they are raised. There will always be extreme cases where the justice would have to step in and say you have done this and it has been proven so and deem an other arrangement so the safety and interests of the child are upheld. In current statistics though it shows this is only about 5-7% of cases in Canada. So 95% of canadian society falls into the other realm where this type of arrangement would best suit a child's and parents interest. The child is no longer a pawn within the industry of divorce nor subjegated to parental scorn for each other.

Some key points to understand about todays current legislation under the current act. Children are put up as chatel in a divorce case just like how the car or proprty is divided. You may think this is an extreme statement but the sad part its true. The other thing that the current system is not taking into consideration is the parents themselves. I will put this one out to you, someone that is reading this,have you ever ended or had a relationship end on you. My first question is do you think logically or emotionally? Do you first think ooh our poor child or do you think ohh that son of a %^*&. If you answered these questions honestly than we both know the answer. So you as a human being are hurt and distraught thinking they did this not we did this or the big one how are our children or child going to feel. When someone dies we go through states of grief and many times it is compared to seperation. So then the next logical step is meeting with a laywer some when it is available will go to mediation to try to solve the childs best interests. If mediation fails and one or the other party fails to agree then off to the laywers office we go. A laywer is trained to defend you, not the best interest of your child. Their goal is to get the best for you at any expense to you,your child,your wallet and especially your ex. Sounds good right? So who is the first casulties in this, a child, a person at one time you loved, the child's extended family and grandparents. So if the law is there to promote this and the laywers and judges trained to treat custody and access this way.

more to follow: