IN 2008 ; The Province of New Brunswick did a study on reforming the current Family Services Act of the Province of New Brunswick. Only those in the legal community were invited to participate in this. Once only certain issues were addressed and it forgot one of the most important reasons why the changes are needed and that is Parental Alienation. On April 25th is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. Last year through Jack Carr, PC MLA with the Province of New Brunswick I introduced Parental Alienation into our Legislature. Currently over 2 years later the Pilot project is still not begun and is slated for May of this year. This is one of my conclusions when people ask me what causes Parental Alienation.“Why do parents alienate their children from each other?”
“A key factor in all parental alienation families is the alienating parent’s real or perceived fear of abandonment. If the alienating parent is female, somewhere in her past she felt abandoned physically or emotionally by her father or another parental figure. If the alienating parent is male, in his past he felt physically or emotionally abandoned by his mother or another maternal figure. Unless these feelings are addressed, they stay with people into adulthood.
“So imagine a parent with unresolved abandonment issues going through a divorce or separation. In the parent’s mind, he or she is being abandoned all over again – this time by the ex. Since the parent never resolved the original issues, all the old abandonment feelings resurface. The parent needs someone to take responsibility for keeping the old feelings away and gives the job to his or her child – taking over the role just vacated by the ex.”
“So why can’t the child help the parent keep the abandonment feelings away and still have a relationship with the other parent?”
“The bond that forms between the alienating parent and the child is characteristic of a number of unhealthy issues including enmeshment, dependency and even Borderline Personality Disorder. In Borderline Personality Disorder a person has extremely poor boundaries and a pattern of instability in his or her interpersonal relationships. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are also emotionally unstable and have a poor self-image. And don’t forget, you also have a scared child who is being told that ‘Mom or Dad abandoned us.’ In such an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship, there is no room for the other parent.
So next time you wonder why people are so upset and asking why this is happening to them ask your local MLA or MP why they are still letting this happen. In 1998 " The For Sake Of the Children report" made 48 recommendation to change the current laws. They unlike the Provincial Report brought everyone from lawyers, Judges and all involved including people effected by the Archaic system. Its up to you to help and educate those around you why this is needed or it is our children that will suffer.
If you would like to read the report follow this Link.
http://www.gnb.ca/0062/FamilyJustice/FinalReport-e.pdf
Edward Hoyt
Founder of NBCEPA
Candidate for MLA Fundy River Valley
People's Alliance of New Brunswick
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