In Memory of All Good Fathers

The following is a speech by the then 15-year-old Ashlee White, whose father, Mr. Darrin White, had committed suicide in March of 2000.


Mr. White, who was being denied any access to his children by his former wife and the so-called “Family” Court System of Canada, had also been ordered by the courts to pay his estranged wife twice his take-home pay in child support and alimony each month.


BC Supreme Court Judge, Master Doug Baker ordered Darren to pay $2,071 per month in child and spousal support (yet, he wasn’t even being allowed to see his own children). His monthly income at the time of that order was only $950 after taxes. He was also paying $439 a month to support an older child from a previous marriage. Master Baker also ordered Darren out of his home with only two days notice. Darren had nowhere to live nor any way to meet his court ordered financial obligations. Darren was already being denied any access to his children. He was 32 years old, and he had suddenly lost everything; his home, his marriage, his children and his dignity. Darren went into the woods near the University of Northern BC in Prince George, and hung himself.

In Memory of All Good Fathers

March 11, 2002

My name is Ashlee Barnett White. I am the daughter of late Darrin White, the loving father who committed suicide because of unjust treatment from the family court system. I would like to thank everyone for coming here today and for joining in to not only remember the death of my father, but more importantly to help bring hope for the many other children who suffer now as a result of family court injustices or will at some time in the future.

I am here today not only to speak for my father, but for all fathers and all non-custodial parents who have suffered injustice because of the family court system. The destruction of parents, mostly fathers, is a plague on our nation. It is no less than a national disgrace. To have parents who cannot see their children in a civilized country is nothing less than barbaric. To have a family court system that destroys families and punishes good loving fathers is not acceptable.
I know that if my father was alive today he would be proud to see me up here and speaking in front of a group of supporters for this is not an easy thing to do. I know that he would be thankful to see that his death was not in vain but that it has served as a rallying point for a more noble and just cause. My father was a good man and would be happy to see me fight for something he believed in – Justice.

Let me tell you about my father. He was a loving and devoted father who only wanted to have what most fathers want – a family that he could care for and love. In the time before his death the thing he wanted the most was to have contact with the children he loved. He was a father who I know loved me.

Probably the biggest fault of my father was that he trusted and believed in those around him. He trusted his wife, only to have her leave him, take his children and prevent him from seeing the children he loved and adored. He trusted the court system to bring him justice for he believed that Canada’s Family Court System was supposed to be one of the best justice systems in the world. But he was wrong. The family court system took his money and rather than giving him justice, subjected him to the most harsh and cruel punishment. He trusted his country, Canada, for he believed that Canada was supposed to have rights and freedoms to protect its citizens. But he was wrong. His country did not come to help him but trampled on his rights and freedoms and supported those in the family court system who was subjecting him to the injustice. His county let him down.

Since the death of my father, I have found out much about our family court system. I have found out that the circumstances surrounding my father were not isolated events. I have learned that many other fathers in Canada are being subjected to the same cruel torture by the same biased family court system that destroyed the heart and soul of my father prior to his death. I have learned that many other fathers have taken their lives as well just so that they can stop the pain and suffering.

Fathers play an important role in the lives of their children. They are there to share the birth of their children and to see them take their first steps. The first day of school and the first tooth are events that father’s share with their children. There are countless children who can remember how their father taught them to ride their two-wheeler bikes. Many fathers are there to give hugs, to say good night and to tell bedtime stories. Lets not kid ourselves, when it comes to raising kids, fathers are important.

Let all of us pause for just a minute and close our eyes and think for one moment. Think of something good about your father when you were little and bring it fresh into your memory…

(Pause)
Now think of a few more things you remember about your father when you were little…(Pause)

Now imagine if your father was not there in your memories. Imagine that all the good thoughts you just had were never there. Imagine your father being ripped away from you. …forever. Would your life not be missing something?

Every day in Canada, this very thing is happening to young children across Canada. Every day children are being ripped away from their loving fathers as a result of a family break up. Every day hopes and dreams are being torn away from children. What is most disgusting is that our very family court system allows this to happen. When this is allowed to happen children are destroyed.

How many girls, like myself, have been robbed of their father to walk them down the isle when they get married? How may boys have been robbed of their father to guide them and to make them honest and caring men themselves? How many children have been robbed of their fathers who will help them fix their toys and be there to hug them? How many grandchildren have been robbed of their grandfathers?

As a young Canadian, after seeing how the court system and the country that support this court destroy my father and how it continues to destroy other children and their families, I can only say that I am utterly ashamed. As a Canadian, I am ashamed as to how the justice system continues to ignore the wishes of its own people and continues to delay implementation of much needed changes to our divorce laws, changes that Canadians want. As most of us know the Justice Department has deliberately delayed implementation of the Joint Senate/House of Commons report on Custody and Access.

We have a challenge ahead of us. We must stand together. We must fight together. We must fight to return justice to Canada’s Family Courts for the sake of the children of Canada and for the sake of Canada itself.

Now let’s spread the word and on behalf of all the children in Canada, let us continue on with our fight and to let our government know that if Canada is truly to be a place that families can be proud to call home then our family courts must understand only one thing, and that is Shared Parenting. Let us not ever forget that Kids Need Both Parents.

Thank you and God Bless.
Ashlee Barnett White